When I was 21 I went searching for a job at the Chico mall. I wasn't going to leave that mall until I had a job and I ended up finding three. One was at Radio shack, the other was at a verizon wireless store, and the last was at sears hardware. I went with the first one to hire me, Sears. I later found out I got both of the other jobs, which would have paid me a lot more. Well, until I learned how to sell, after which I was making some decent change.
I remember not liking Sears at first. I sat there at my crappy job quiet, isolated, confused, hating the managers, hating the folks I worked with, counting the minutes until the day was over. I hated that job but now, looking back, I realize that keeping that job was one of the best decisions I ever made. It didn't seem like it back then. All I could see in those days was annoying people, lazy hypocritical managers, and low pay, which blinded me to what God was doing in my life.
This weekend I went camping with my buddies from the sears days. Good guys and great friends that I would have missed out on if I had picked a different job. Three out of the 10 guys that I chose to be my groomsmen at our wedding next May worked with me at Sears. After all this time I finally realize why I worked at sears and not at the other places.
What I'm trying to say is that sometimes the near future looks bad. You wish yourself out of those stages in your life because you can't see the greater scheme of your life. You never know what God will do to make the situation better. He creates a beautiful mess out of the irreparable. For that I am eternally grateful!
About Me
- J
- I love writing. If you want to know anything else just ask me or else read up! I have two blogs ("A Pen Itching To Bleed Onto Paper" and "The Rebirth of J"). One of my blogs (A Pen...) is updated more frequently than the other. "The Rebirth” is more of a story I am writing with my life whereas "A Pen" would be my random thoughts past, present, and future in this unfolding journey I call life. If this is your first time reading my blog, please visit Post #2 for the month of April 2008 in my "A Pen" blog archives... Thanks!
Showing posts with label Faith and Belief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith and Belief. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Francis Chan
This is Francis Chan. 
He is one of my earthly heroes. Here is a man after God’s own heart. He is a hard worker for the movement of the gospel. From founding Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, CA over a decade ago, to writing two books (Crazy Love and Forgotten God) which have deeply impacted my spiritual walk, to making the new Basic DVD series which teaches the Basics of the Global Church with a call to rededication to the spirit of what we are doing; Francis Chan has done it all.
A family man of a wife and five kids, Chan grew up without parents, brothers or sisters. His mother died while giving birth to him, his step mother died at age 7 in an automobile accident when he was 12 years old and soon thereafter his father died of cancer. Chan was raised by his grandparents in Northern California where he accepted Christ into his life and began working in Youth Ministry. Later he would plant Cornerstone Church in SimiValley, CA, a mega church that boasts over 5000 members. The part that inspires me is what comes after his church plant succeeded.
While pastoring this church, Chan began to get different revelations from God, impressions about God while reading his word, which burdened him to challenge his church to a deeper level with God. Chan began preaching some rather unpopular messages including comparing the American dream with the walk of Jesus, a real fear of God, Living as the bible says, and truly following Jesus. It was then that His Church really blew up. One would think that the opposite would happen but when a person preaches the true word of God, even though the message may be challenging and unpopular, and MORE people respond, you know the Holy Spirit is doing something.
The thing about Francis Chan is that I see a lot of myself in him. He seems to be a good public speaker, funny, confident but he can also be really transparent, revealing that he worries a lot about what others might think of him, not being sure as to where God is taking him, getting comfortable in his walk with God, etc. I think what inspires me about Francis is that his walk with God is transparent and completely faith-based. He seems unsure about what he does but confident only in God. And wouldn’t you know it that the faithful God that he professes is the same one that is providing for him, blessing him and leading him even when others might question his decisions. Francis epitomizes a modern day disciple of Christ walking by faith in a faithless world
Earlier this year Francis Chan announced that he was leaving his huge church in a step of faith towards what God was calling him to do. The issue was what exactly God was calling him to do. Francis was not sure of anything but God’s calling but for Francis, that was enough. And his church members not only saw it coming, but sent him out confident in the Spirit’s leading. Chan sold his house, left for Asia to do missions work with his family and once again walked on faith alone toward Gods call for his life. That’s what I hope to do one day, to walk by faith and not by sight. My eyes of course are not fixed on Francis or any other contemporary Christian preacher but on God and Him alone.
If you want to read up about my hero in the faith check out his website!
He is one of my earthly heroes. Here is a man after God’s own heart. He is a hard worker for the movement of the gospel. From founding Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, CA over a decade ago, to writing two books (Crazy Love and Forgotten God) which have deeply impacted my spiritual walk, to making the new Basic DVD series which teaches the Basics of the Global Church with a call to rededication to the spirit of what we are doing; Francis Chan has done it all.
A family man of a wife and five kids, Chan grew up without parents, brothers or sisters. His mother died while giving birth to him, his step mother died at age 7 in an automobile accident when he was 12 years old and soon thereafter his father died of cancer. Chan was raised by his grandparents in Northern California where he accepted Christ into his life and began working in Youth Ministry. Later he would plant Cornerstone Church in SimiValley, CA, a mega church that boasts over 5000 members. The part that inspires me is what comes after his church plant succeeded.
While pastoring this church, Chan began to get different revelations from God, impressions about God while reading his word, which burdened him to challenge his church to a deeper level with God. Chan began preaching some rather unpopular messages including comparing the American dream with the walk of Jesus, a real fear of God, Living as the bible says, and truly following Jesus. It was then that His Church really blew up. One would think that the opposite would happen but when a person preaches the true word of God, even though the message may be challenging and unpopular, and MORE people respond, you know the Holy Spirit is doing something.
The thing about Francis Chan is that I see a lot of myself in him. He seems to be a good public speaker, funny, confident but he can also be really transparent, revealing that he worries a lot about what others might think of him, not being sure as to where God is taking him, getting comfortable in his walk with God, etc. I think what inspires me about Francis is that his walk with God is transparent and completely faith-based. He seems unsure about what he does but confident only in God. And wouldn’t you know it that the faithful God that he professes is the same one that is providing for him, blessing him and leading him even when others might question his decisions. Francis epitomizes a modern day disciple of Christ walking by faith in a faithless world
Earlier this year Francis Chan announced that he was leaving his huge church in a step of faith towards what God was calling him to do. The issue was what exactly God was calling him to do. Francis was not sure of anything but God’s calling but for Francis, that was enough. And his church members not only saw it coming, but sent him out confident in the Spirit’s leading. Chan sold his house, left for Asia to do missions work with his family and once again walked on faith alone toward Gods call for his life. That’s what I hope to do one day, to walk by faith and not by sight. My eyes of course are not fixed on Francis or any other contemporary Christian preacher but on God and Him alone.
If you want to read up about my hero in the faith check out his website!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Spiritual and Physical Health!
So for a while now I have been working out. I’m not going to lie, I have gained a lot of muscle but have only lost a few pounds. This mostly has to do with my unhealthy eating habits. Nonetheless I am healthier than I used to be but not at the place that I should be.
So for a while now I have been trying to get closer to God. I have been reading the word a bit more, not praying enough and my spiritual life reflects it. Nonetheless I am healthier than I used to be but not at the place that I should be.
The past few weeks I have been noticing that there is a huge similarity between our spiritual health and our physical health. Aside from the fact that the spirit and body depend on each other and the fact that both deal with a lack of discipline, I want to discuss a few of the similarities.
So let’s say you have lived a few years enjoying the good life. You eat what you want, drink what you want, and you don’t exercise. Then one day you decide to step on a scale and you realize that although you once had your weight under control, you have now lost control and gained some excess weight! Its that moment of self reflection that you realize, I have to go on a diet! Likewise when you notice that there is too much junk in your life that is enslaving you, you make a choice to repent!
Repentance is HUGE in the process. Both Spiritual and physical health. Repentance simply defined as turning 180 degrees and going in the opposite direction than you were going. You can’t desire to lose weight or get spiritually healthy without stopping and turning around. AND you can’t hold on to anything from the past!
Let me explain. Let’s say you try to lift weights and not run. Guess what will happen? You will not lose weight, you will gain muscle. I compare this to reading the word without praying. You will gain knowledge but you won’t necessarily lose the excess of sin due to the lack of conviction of the holy spirit.
Let’s say you run but you don’t lift. You will lose weight but you won’t gain any muscle. That is like when you pray but you don’t read the word. You will definitely get closer to God, you will gain his heart his peace, but you won’t be able to quote scripture, you might end up being led by emotion rather than scripture tested spirit led direction.
What I am trying to say is that you need to lift, eat well and do cardio to lose weight. You need to read the bible, pray and… well, watch what you eat, I guess that would be compared to fasting, you need to fast. You need all three of these in order to grow in the spirit, if not you will be spiritually fat.
What do you guys think??
So for a while now I have been trying to get closer to God. I have been reading the word a bit more, not praying enough and my spiritual life reflects it. Nonetheless I am healthier than I used to be but not at the place that I should be.
The past few weeks I have been noticing that there is a huge similarity between our spiritual health and our physical health. Aside from the fact that the spirit and body depend on each other and the fact that both deal with a lack of discipline, I want to discuss a few of the similarities.
So let’s say you have lived a few years enjoying the good life. You eat what you want, drink what you want, and you don’t exercise. Then one day you decide to step on a scale and you realize that although you once had your weight under control, you have now lost control and gained some excess weight! Its that moment of self reflection that you realize, I have to go on a diet! Likewise when you notice that there is too much junk in your life that is enslaving you, you make a choice to repent!
Repentance is HUGE in the process. Both Spiritual and physical health. Repentance simply defined as turning 180 degrees and going in the opposite direction than you were going. You can’t desire to lose weight or get spiritually healthy without stopping and turning around. AND you can’t hold on to anything from the past!
Let me explain. Let’s say you try to lift weights and not run. Guess what will happen? You will not lose weight, you will gain muscle. I compare this to reading the word without praying. You will gain knowledge but you won’t necessarily lose the excess of sin due to the lack of conviction of the holy spirit.
Let’s say you run but you don’t lift. You will lose weight but you won’t gain any muscle. That is like when you pray but you don’t read the word. You will definitely get closer to God, you will gain his heart his peace, but you won’t be able to quote scripture, you might end up being led by emotion rather than scripture tested spirit led direction.
What I am trying to say is that you need to lift, eat well and do cardio to lose weight. You need to read the bible, pray and… well, watch what you eat, I guess that would be compared to fasting, you need to fast. You need all three of these in order to grow in the spirit, if not you will be spiritually fat.
What do you guys think??
Monday, August 30, 2010
Submit?!
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. – Ephesians 5:22
Okay I’m going to say it since there are no other men out there saying it.,. WHAT?
Today I was reading an article talking about how women want to be like men (in terms of their autonomy, access to power and control etc.) It also mentions that for some strange reason, men don’t want to be like women… hmmm…. I wonder why that is?
I work with the Sexual assault and Domestic Violence Center. I have heard about abuse, sexism, misogyny, etc. for almost 4 years now. It makes me sick to the stomach to know that a man can treat a woman in the ways that I have heard while working here. So called male privilege and entitlement has led us in a direction and down a path that we should have never traveled… but we are and now we deal with the consequences.
At the beginning of time God mad man and woman, placed them in a paradise that he spoke into existence and blessed them with his raw presence. How beautiful does that sound? Man worked many years… perhaps hundreds before he finally was BLESSED with woman! It says in the bible that God Brought the woman to the man. Like a gift, more so like a treasure. When he sees her, what happens? He sees a person, similar to him but twice as beautiful. In fact she was so beautiful that her beauty and splendor draws something from his soul that he had never felt, trying to explain it with mere words and so the first poem is written, “"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man.” But then a few chapters down men begin to take advantage of women. And then it doesn’t stop…
My point is this. Women have been disrespected, harassed, beaten, raped, sold, objectified, and discriminated against ALL BY MEN! And then we wonder why women don’t want to be women and why men don’t want to be women? Alright! Who wins the grand prize for that observation!
So back to the above verse… is it wrong to tell women to submit to men?? Biblically it is not… Let me explain… at one point Jesus Christ “submitted” to God and His will. Is that a bad thing? Absolutely not. This is the relationship between Jesus Christ and God, one of love, order and one submitting to the other. It’s something beautiful and sacred. So what is the problem then… The fact that men abuse this relationship dynamic and use it to benefit their own selfishness and self entitlement to things that God did not place under him.
So the problem is not so much the fact that women are asked to submit to men and no longer wish to do so… the problem is that women don’t want to submit to men due to years of men abusing the authority that was given to them by God. The problem is that men have lost all respect for women and have therefore lost all respect FROM women. The Problem is that men read verses like “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything…” but ignore the rest of it. A few verses down you have this: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...” And that is where the rubber meets the road. If we don’t love and respect all women then how in the world do we expect respect from ANY women? So here is how it actually goes: She shall submit HERSELF to you and you SHALL LOVE HER AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH. Nowhere there do you see, “You shall make her submit” and nowhere there do you see, “you have to treat her like dirt until she submits,” it’s her choice. In fact the picture you see there is a perfect picture; one of love, care, compassion, grace and flat out beauty.
Men, we have to start earning back the respect from women, shown through the respect OF women, and then maybe one day women will look at this passage and instead of feeling defiant to the point of disobeying, they will gladly submit as Jesus submits to the father, bringing the perfect picture back to existence.
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:22-28 – Amen!
Okay I’m going to say it since there are no other men out there saying it.,. WHAT?
Today I was reading an article talking about how women want to be like men (in terms of their autonomy, access to power and control etc.) It also mentions that for some strange reason, men don’t want to be like women… hmmm…. I wonder why that is?
I work with the Sexual assault and Domestic Violence Center. I have heard about abuse, sexism, misogyny, etc. for almost 4 years now. It makes me sick to the stomach to know that a man can treat a woman in the ways that I have heard while working here. So called male privilege and entitlement has led us in a direction and down a path that we should have never traveled… but we are and now we deal with the consequences.
At the beginning of time God mad man and woman, placed them in a paradise that he spoke into existence and blessed them with his raw presence. How beautiful does that sound? Man worked many years… perhaps hundreds before he finally was BLESSED with woman! It says in the bible that God Brought the woman to the man. Like a gift, more so like a treasure. When he sees her, what happens? He sees a person, similar to him but twice as beautiful. In fact she was so beautiful that her beauty and splendor draws something from his soul that he had never felt, trying to explain it with mere words and so the first poem is written, “"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man.” But then a few chapters down men begin to take advantage of women. And then it doesn’t stop…
My point is this. Women have been disrespected, harassed, beaten, raped, sold, objectified, and discriminated against ALL BY MEN! And then we wonder why women don’t want to be women and why men don’t want to be women? Alright! Who wins the grand prize for that observation!
So back to the above verse… is it wrong to tell women to submit to men?? Biblically it is not… Let me explain… at one point Jesus Christ “submitted” to God and His will. Is that a bad thing? Absolutely not. This is the relationship between Jesus Christ and God, one of love, order and one submitting to the other. It’s something beautiful and sacred. So what is the problem then… The fact that men abuse this relationship dynamic and use it to benefit their own selfishness and self entitlement to things that God did not place under him.
So the problem is not so much the fact that women are asked to submit to men and no longer wish to do so… the problem is that women don’t want to submit to men due to years of men abusing the authority that was given to them by God. The problem is that men have lost all respect for women and have therefore lost all respect FROM women. The Problem is that men read verses like “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything…” but ignore the rest of it. A few verses down you have this: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...” And that is where the rubber meets the road. If we don’t love and respect all women then how in the world do we expect respect from ANY women? So here is how it actually goes: She shall submit HERSELF to you and you SHALL LOVE HER AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH. Nowhere there do you see, “You shall make her submit” and nowhere there do you see, “you have to treat her like dirt until she submits,” it’s her choice. In fact the picture you see there is a perfect picture; one of love, care, compassion, grace and flat out beauty.
Men, we have to start earning back the respect from women, shown through the respect OF women, and then maybe one day women will look at this passage and instead of feeling defiant to the point of disobeying, they will gladly submit as Jesus submits to the father, bringing the perfect picture back to existence.
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:22-28 – Amen!
Monday, July 12, 2010
To Live The Dream...
In my mind I can imagine being the next young pastor that confidently preaches the word of God and touches people’s lives in the process. I’m talking about lead Pastors of huge churches such as Mark Driscoll, Francis Chan or Rob Bell. Young men that at a younger age than most, are boldly proclaiming the Word of Christ to a lost and dying generation and actually seem to be getting the point across. These are the guys I look up to!
It’s hard enough being young but to be young and to purposely decline the invitation of the flow of society, to create counter culture instead of adding to current culture, to be considered out-dated when the message is timeless, that is reason for persecution and poverty. And nonetheless you find these men standing tall, standing up against the culture that reviles them and standing on the Rock which is Jesus Christ. These guys are young, brilliant, self-confident, funny and the future of Christianity. I want to be like them.
Sometimes I think to myself that I would like to be the next Mark Driscoll, the next Francis Chan. But to be honest I don’t want to be any of them. I want to be me. I want to be the version of me that God wants me to be; the version of me that is confident, courageous and Christ like. I want to be used by the creator of all things to live out the purpose for which He has created me. May God Help me to become that person and to live the dream that he has placed upon my heart!
It’s hard enough being young but to be young and to purposely decline the invitation of the flow of society, to create counter culture instead of adding to current culture, to be considered out-dated when the message is timeless, that is reason for persecution and poverty. And nonetheless you find these men standing tall, standing up against the culture that reviles them and standing on the Rock which is Jesus Christ. These guys are young, brilliant, self-confident, funny and the future of Christianity. I want to be like them.
Sometimes I think to myself that I would like to be the next Mark Driscoll, the next Francis Chan. But to be honest I don’t want to be any of them. I want to be me. I want to be the version of me that God wants me to be; the version of me that is confident, courageous and Christ like. I want to be used by the creator of all things to live out the purpose for which He has created me. May God Help me to become that person and to live the dream that he has placed upon my heart!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Penn and a bible
A message from devout Atheist Penn Jillette about evangelism and one man that cared enough to share His faith :)
really makes you think, doesn't it??
From Crackle:
really makes you think, doesn't it??
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Meeting D
Ever meet a person that you realize right away has the potential of a huge part of your life?
For me that would be my small group leader D! a little background: I have been at a new church FOR EXACTLY A YEAR NOW!**** When we first started attending this new church we signed up for a small group in our town of woodland which failed after a few months. (For details please click HERE). Well my chronic neuroticism had me contemplating all the negative thoughts about searching for and joining a new group. I hated the fact that I had to start all over again and try to warm up to complete strangers based on the one thing that we have in common, our faith!
The first time I met our group leader D I thought, “This guy is cool as ish!” He is a great leader, humble, down to earth, loquacious, inspirational, funny, compassionate and genuine. On the first day we stuck around and just started talking to him, asking questions and just engaging in conversation. We have been doing that almost every week, just sticking around after group to talk to D.
Today he dropped me a message on facebook just to see how I’m doing. To me this is huge especially coming from a church where the only time I talked to my pastor was to hear a complaint. I’m glad to be part of a group where the leader wholeheartedly cares about his small group members.
I’m not sure if D will be a big part of my life (perhaps the mentor relationship that I have needed for so long) but as for now he seems to me like a cool guy who genuinely cares and I really do appreciate that.
For me that would be my small group leader D! a little background: I have been at a new church FOR EXACTLY A YEAR NOW!**** When we first started attending this new church we signed up for a small group in our town of woodland which failed after a few months. (For details please click HERE). Well my chronic neuroticism had me contemplating all the negative thoughts about searching for and joining a new group. I hated the fact that I had to start all over again and try to warm up to complete strangers based on the one thing that we have in common, our faith!
The first time I met our group leader D I thought, “This guy is cool as ish!” He is a great leader, humble, down to earth, loquacious, inspirational, funny, compassionate and genuine. On the first day we stuck around and just started talking to him, asking questions and just engaging in conversation. We have been doing that almost every week, just sticking around after group to talk to D.
Today he dropped me a message on facebook just to see how I’m doing. To me this is huge especially coming from a church where the only time I talked to my pastor was to hear a complaint. I’m glad to be part of a group where the leader wholeheartedly cares about his small group members.
I’m not sure if D will be a big part of my life (perhaps the mentor relationship that I have needed for so long) but as for now he seems to me like a cool guy who genuinely cares and I really do appreciate that.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Believing God
“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
I have been wanting to write this blog for some time now. The truth extracted from my overly cautious mind, which jumps firing hoops in order to avoid admitting that I have less figured out about life than I would ever like to show. You see, I believe Christians have a hard time admitting that they don’t have it all figured out in fear that this confession will somehow show to non-believers that we are wrong when we profess Christ as savior and The Bible as God’s inerrant word Or open a door to show our brooding doubts, which we believe are too sacrilegious to aknowledge. So taking that into consideration, I offer the following confession.
My name is Juan. I have been a Christian since 2001 when I felt God squeezing my heart in his powerful hand to the point of eruption through a preaching that I don’t even remember. It wasn’t on that day but roughly two years later that I made an agreement with God, “I am not going to say no to you anymore.” Following that statement came countless opportunities for ministry which allowed me to preach his name, impact the lives of youth and adults, lear the truth about worship, meet some great friends, and impact the lives of many. ..and yet I don’t fully trust God!
I’m afraid. There, I said it. Everything, including both internal and external forces, makes me doubt and question God’s will for my life every step of the way. I have taken both small steps and vast strides in the faith. God has lead me through the worst times in my life. God has allowed me to lead even youth pastors that had more years in a youth pastorship than I did. God has given me words that have changed the course of direction of the lives of youth and adults. So my question is, why do I doubt?
The above psalm states that he wrote my days before they existed. And so It would seem that I would have a steadfast grip onto God but the problem is that my mind tends to doubt it all. And so my realization is this, every person in the bible doubted God and acted accordingly to their doubts. But also, each one of them had a moment in time when they chose to simply BELIEVE GOD.
Although my mind doubts, my logic screams out, and my focus on God gets blurry, it’s time I make a choice to simply believe God. To take him at His word and believe that He will in fact provide, bless, fulfill, speak, direct, give me compassion and grace to not only continue on this journey, but to enter into a new level with Him. I will believe that He has written out my days and live them out With Him by my side.
I have been wanting to write this blog for some time now. The truth extracted from my overly cautious mind, which jumps firing hoops in order to avoid admitting that I have less figured out about life than I would ever like to show. You see, I believe Christians have a hard time admitting that they don’t have it all figured out in fear that this confession will somehow show to non-believers that we are wrong when we profess Christ as savior and The Bible as God’s inerrant word Or open a door to show our brooding doubts, which we believe are too sacrilegious to aknowledge. So taking that into consideration, I offer the following confession.
My name is Juan. I have been a Christian since 2001 when I felt God squeezing my heart in his powerful hand to the point of eruption through a preaching that I don’t even remember. It wasn’t on that day but roughly two years later that I made an agreement with God, “I am not going to say no to you anymore.” Following that statement came countless opportunities for ministry which allowed me to preach his name, impact the lives of youth and adults, lear the truth about worship, meet some great friends, and impact the lives of many. ..and yet I don’t fully trust God!
I’m afraid. There, I said it. Everything, including both internal and external forces, makes me doubt and question God’s will for my life every step of the way. I have taken both small steps and vast strides in the faith. God has lead me through the worst times in my life. God has allowed me to lead even youth pastors that had more years in a youth pastorship than I did. God has given me words that have changed the course of direction of the lives of youth and adults. So my question is, why do I doubt?
The above psalm states that he wrote my days before they existed. And so It would seem that I would have a steadfast grip onto God but the problem is that my mind tends to doubt it all. And so my realization is this, every person in the bible doubted God and acted accordingly to their doubts. But also, each one of them had a moment in time when they chose to simply BELIEVE GOD.
Although my mind doubts, my logic screams out, and my focus on God gets blurry, it’s time I make a choice to simply believe God. To take him at His word and believe that He will in fact provide, bless, fulfill, speak, direct, give me compassion and grace to not only continue on this journey, but to enter into a new level with Him. I will believe that He has written out my days and live them out With Him by my side.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The Crossroads Of Life...
I love the 2000 film castaway that stars Tom Hanks as a man exiled to an island for years and then finding a way to return to his regular life. I especially enjoy the ending with a newly-returned-to-the-real -world Hanks standing at the crossroads not only of an intersection, but of his life. He has just endured perhaps the most difficult hardship of his life and made it back, only to launch himself in a mysterious direction that will also undoubtedly be filled with struggles, trial, and problems, yet not as great as the one he has just surpassed. Or so he imagines.
At this season in my life I feel like God has brought me to a cross roads. I’m standing at a place where things will begin to change, where I will most certainly be experiencing new challenges, but also a place of excitement for what lies ahead. All I know is that I will not turn back to where I came from but other than that I have many paths to choose from. This selection begs the question: what if I make the wrong choice?
Recently I have been thinking about decisions that I have made in the past that resulted in disaster and those that have proved to be worthwhile. In those that were successful I had sought after the face of God and I was doing what I believed to be God’s will for my life.
As I stand at this crossroad, I know that I must turn to God and allow him to be my compass. More so I realize that by yielding to His will and seeking His opinion He actually becomes “the right way” for me to have chosen. And if I make that decision while I am following Him then I know that I can’t go wrong. So I welcome these crossroads, a chance for My God to show me His grace and glory masqueraded as another difficult decision.
Monday, June 15, 2009
My Doubts, My Hope...
I simply love my church. I love that there is a spot for everyone no matter what walk of life you come from. I love that even the leaders are down to earth and straight forward with you. I love the fact that worship in understanding who our God is, is the main focus of the services. And I think to myself that this is exactly how it is supposed to be.
I understand that in this life I have a calling to become a pastor and to preach the truth of God as I love and encourage the congregation with which God entrusts me. And while I love knowing that this is my calling, it freaks me out to wonder whether my church will be healthy or unhealthy. Certainly this is not left to chance as God doesn’t roll dice, He calls shots. And I know that there is a sure way to end up with a healthy church and that is simply falling into God’s will and loving people as God loves them.
Sometimes I get scared. What if I fail at this? What if I don’t do something right and I end up in a church that for some reason doesn’t have a proper foundation? What if I try to figure out His path for the Church instead of waiting on Him to tell me what that path is? What if I get comfortable with a lack of the spirit as long as the church is functioning?
And yet I know that my faith has to be placed solely on God. I know that there are certain steps that I must take to fall in line with His will. I know that if my leadership style is less of a “manager” style and more of a fellow worshiper with a huge passion for the things of God, a desire for His justice and truth; that I can’t go wrong. I know that if my focus is Him and not just the work of his hands in the church, that God will be there, amongst us and we will be His people. This is my only desire.
I understand that in this life I have a calling to become a pastor and to preach the truth of God as I love and encourage the congregation with which God entrusts me. And while I love knowing that this is my calling, it freaks me out to wonder whether my church will be healthy or unhealthy. Certainly this is not left to chance as God doesn’t roll dice, He calls shots. And I know that there is a sure way to end up with a healthy church and that is simply falling into God’s will and loving people as God loves them.
Sometimes I get scared. What if I fail at this? What if I don’t do something right and I end up in a church that for some reason doesn’t have a proper foundation? What if I try to figure out His path for the Church instead of waiting on Him to tell me what that path is? What if I get comfortable with a lack of the spirit as long as the church is functioning?
And yet I know that my faith has to be placed solely on God. I know that there are certain steps that I must take to fall in line with His will. I know that if my leadership style is less of a “manager” style and more of a fellow worshiper with a huge passion for the things of God, a desire for His justice and truth; that I can’t go wrong. I know that if my focus is Him and not just the work of his hands in the church, that God will be there, amongst us and we will be His people. This is my only desire.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
My New Prayer Spot
I think I just found a new prayer spot.
As you may know I used to have a specific prayer spot that I would visit on top of monkey rock when I lived in Chico. (in fact it was my background pic up until I replaced it with my current bleeding heart into an inkwell.) Unfortunately when I left Chico I also left behind my magnificent prayer spot.
Yesterday I had to go to a conference for my job in the next town over. As I was driving in a part of the town that I didn’t know I spotted this park that I made a note of to visit after the conference was done. So after the conference I pulled into the park and walked a little bit until I reached this little platform area that made it look like a small wildlife refuge. Well anyway, I fell in love with this park that I had no idea existed. As I stood there over looking the water I began to talk to God about my life, about my love for Him, praising him for the beauty of his creation and It just felt great. I think I just found my new prayer spot. :)
As you may know I used to have a specific prayer spot that I would visit on top of monkey rock when I lived in Chico. (in fact it was my background pic up until I replaced it with my current bleeding heart into an inkwell.) Unfortunately when I left Chico I also left behind my magnificent prayer spot.
Yesterday I had to go to a conference for my job in the next town over. As I was driving in a part of the town that I didn’t know I spotted this park that I made a note of to visit after the conference was done. So after the conference I pulled into the park and walked a little bit until I reached this little platform area that made it look like a small wildlife refuge. Well anyway, I fell in love with this park that I had no idea existed. As I stood there over looking the water I began to talk to God about my life, about my love for Him, praising him for the beauty of his creation and It just felt great. I think I just found my new prayer spot. :)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
A Relationship With God.
This is part of a HUGE paper that i wrote in inswer to a question that a friend of mine had about God. hope you enjoy it.
...Have you ever had a person in your life that at first you simply detested? In fact you hate them so much that pretty much anything they say to you is seen as a direct threat or it is somehow directed towards you, even if its really not. You begin to loathe all of their actions and attitudes simply writing them off as evil. Then in some cases, by shear coincidence you end up talking with this person and getting to know them only to find out that they are not only cool people, but in actuality not evil at all. I feel that some people have this type of view of God. Everything seems evil since they don’t know him intimately; since they have no relationship with him. And until they do that (if they ever do) they will not get to know how amazing He really is. Much like those things that irritated you about your former adversary turned friend, when you look at God after you have reconciled to him, you come to find out that those things you hated, you begin to love and understand. When you have a relationship with God you can see his goodness, his personality, his characteristics and his love. You have things that you may not understand about him but you trust him to be good and with good intentions. Also, since you know him personally you trust that one day, as you come to know him better even those things that you do not understand will eventually be revealed to you...
...Have you ever had a person in your life that at first you simply detested? In fact you hate them so much that pretty much anything they say to you is seen as a direct threat or it is somehow directed towards you, even if its really not. You begin to loathe all of their actions and attitudes simply writing them off as evil. Then in some cases, by shear coincidence you end up talking with this person and getting to know them only to find out that they are not only cool people, but in actuality not evil at all. I feel that some people have this type of view of God. Everything seems evil since they don’t know him intimately; since they have no relationship with him. And until they do that (if they ever do) they will not get to know how amazing He really is. Much like those things that irritated you about your former adversary turned friend, when you look at God after you have reconciled to him, you come to find out that those things you hated, you begin to love and understand. When you have a relationship with God you can see his goodness, his personality, his characteristics and his love. You have things that you may not understand about him but you trust him to be good and with good intentions. Also, since you know him personally you trust that one day, as you come to know him better even those things that you do not understand will eventually be revealed to you...
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Christians
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
-Mohandas Gandhi
OUCH! Why would he say such a thing? Christians are such good people. If anything hindus should not be liked. They don’t even believe in Christ for God sakes, they’re all going to hell. That man Ghandi was evil!
- your average Christian.
Hmm…you think that type of opinion is what helps Christian stereotypes continue? Its sad to say that Christianity is probably viewed as one of the worst “Religious systems” in the world, because of it’s followers. Our Christ-less opinions, judgments and hatred are what make this world think so negatively of us. And if you’re a Christian and you’re reading this and you have no idea what I’m talking about then it is time for your rude awakening.
The first Church of Jesus Christ (not referring to “Church of Christ” but the first Church that JC established), or “The Way” as it was called was unlike the church of today.
Acts 2: 44- 47 says,
“And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met. They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw.“
Wait; does this accurately describe all of our current churches? I think Today’s Churches are better described through these words:
…But this just isn’t how I imagined it would be,
With these random people just asking the most personal things
And to think that somehow I could always come clean
And you shake your head just like you know what I mean…
… Somehow, someone's more equal than others
depending on the words we choose to say
- Emery
The church has morphed into an institution that dictates our beliefs, demands perfection out of it’s followers, and hurts instead of healing. We tear down our brothers and sisters rather than edifying them. We judge them in hate rather than exhorting them in love. When did we become such horrible judgmental zealots? When did we begin focusing on the sin, instead of the sinner? When did we lose The “Christ” that was in “Christians?” Why do we look to people with hate, judgment and disgust rather than looking at the hurt and the needs of people like Jesus did? When did the church become so ugly?
When I speak of the church I don’t speak of the building because by God, those things are beautiful! I am however speaking of the body of believers that attempts to control our way of thinking rather than showing us who Christ is through their actions and methods.
Christians have taken upon themselves a “Holier than thou” type of mentality that has killed the church for the past few decades, probably longer than that. This attitude includes judgmental attitudes that look for perfection of people, rather that perfection of the God that is perfecting the people. Christians have taken it upon themselves to attempt to make others look Godly on the surface while their hearts are enslaved, hurting and still need more Christ within. Christians worry about themselves more than their fellow followers and therefore forget to be servants and to strengthen their brethren.
My conclusion is this: Ghandi was right, Christians are horrible people. That is why I choose to be less like a Christian and try to be more like Christ. We should all make this choice. You see, Christians will surely fail us but Jesus is real, loving, and compassionate. We need to be like Christ. We need to allow Christ to permeate every inch of our existence from our minds that think horrible thoughts to our hearts which honestly only desire Christ Himself. We need to be kind, compassionate, loving, forgiving, spirit-filled, prepared, non-judgmental, abounding in grace, and willing to serve others until death if necessary. Only when we follow and draw near to him will we become more like him and prove the world wrong when they say, “I do not Like Christians.” We need to put Christ back in Christians, beginning with ourselves.
-Mohandas Gandhi
OUCH! Why would he say such a thing? Christians are such good people. If anything hindus should not be liked. They don’t even believe in Christ for God sakes, they’re all going to hell. That man Ghandi was evil!
- your average Christian.
Hmm…you think that type of opinion is what helps Christian stereotypes continue? Its sad to say that Christianity is probably viewed as one of the worst “Religious systems” in the world, because of it’s followers. Our Christ-less opinions, judgments and hatred are what make this world think so negatively of us. And if you’re a Christian and you’re reading this and you have no idea what I’m talking about then it is time for your rude awakening.
The first Church of Jesus Christ (not referring to “Church of Christ” but the first Church that JC established), or “The Way” as it was called was unlike the church of today.
Acts 2: 44- 47 says,
“And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met. They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw.“
Wait; does this accurately describe all of our current churches? I think Today’s Churches are better described through these words:
…But this just isn’t how I imagined it would be,
With these random people just asking the most personal things
And to think that somehow I could always come clean
And you shake your head just like you know what I mean…
… Somehow, someone's more equal than others
depending on the words we choose to say
- Emery
The church has morphed into an institution that dictates our beliefs, demands perfection out of it’s followers, and hurts instead of healing. We tear down our brothers and sisters rather than edifying them. We judge them in hate rather than exhorting them in love. When did we become such horrible judgmental zealots? When did we begin focusing on the sin, instead of the sinner? When did we lose The “Christ” that was in “Christians?” Why do we look to people with hate, judgment and disgust rather than looking at the hurt and the needs of people like Jesus did? When did the church become so ugly?
When I speak of the church I don’t speak of the building because by God, those things are beautiful! I am however speaking of the body of believers that attempts to control our way of thinking rather than showing us who Christ is through their actions and methods.
Christians have taken upon themselves a “Holier than thou” type of mentality that has killed the church for the past few decades, probably longer than that. This attitude includes judgmental attitudes that look for perfection of people, rather that perfection of the God that is perfecting the people. Christians have taken it upon themselves to attempt to make others look Godly on the surface while their hearts are enslaved, hurting and still need more Christ within. Christians worry about themselves more than their fellow followers and therefore forget to be servants and to strengthen their brethren.
My conclusion is this: Ghandi was right, Christians are horrible people. That is why I choose to be less like a Christian and try to be more like Christ. We should all make this choice. You see, Christians will surely fail us but Jesus is real, loving, and compassionate. We need to be like Christ. We need to allow Christ to permeate every inch of our existence from our minds that think horrible thoughts to our hearts which honestly only desire Christ Himself. We need to be kind, compassionate, loving, forgiving, spirit-filled, prepared, non-judgmental, abounding in grace, and willing to serve others until death if necessary. Only when we follow and draw near to him will we become more like him and prove the world wrong when they say, “I do not Like Christians.” We need to put Christ back in Christians, beginning with ourselves.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Monkey Rock
One day while I was living in Chico I found my self in a fairly depressed state. It was my day off from work, I had no class and I was sitting at home. I felt overwhelmed with a lot of things going on in my life and honestly, I just felt like giving up.
The day was dark and it was raining outside so I decided to go for a drive. Often when feeling like this I would drive and try to look for a place to just pray and meditate. Well this day was similar and yet different in many ways.
As I drove for a while, I found myself heading towards the hills in upper bidwell going towards the bear hole. It was then that something caught my attention, something that I had perhaps looked at before but never truly seen. My eyes were fixed on a large cross out at the foot of the hills leading towards "monkey rock" or "monkey face rock" as it is also known. I took a sharp left turn and headed towards this cross. I parked my car in the designated parking area and then rocked the rest of the ay in the rain. As I crossed the iron gate I found a walking stick that somebody left behind. I picked it up and I walked towards the newly discovered cross.
It had stopped raining but as soon as I arrived at the cross the rain resumed. I sat at the foot of the cross and I began crying. Crying because my situation was overwhelming. Crying because eve though I was constantly surrounded by people, I still felt lonely. Crying because I felt like nobody understood me. Crying because my life had lost the connection to God and I felt dry and dead inside. As I cried, I began to pray and talk to God and He spoke to me there, at that cross at the foot of monkey hill. He said words to me that were personal. He spoke Life back into me and into my situation.
The next week on my day off I returned to the cross, only this time it was sunny. I climbed half way up the hills and found an area with a small bench overlooking a man-made pond that was built next to the shooting range. The next week I returned and instead of stopping there, I kept walking. I kept moving and eventually I found myself at the top of monkey rock. I found a spot in the grass under a tree and I looked around and ended up finding that I could see all of Chico.
At this spot I could see the creek running through Chico and I was amazed at the way that the sun reflected off of the water. I could see the entire city and it was amazing! There I began to restructure my relationship with God. That is where I spent my days off as I talked to God and listened closely to hear his voice. That is where I read his word and meditated upon his parables. That is where I established my prayer closet.
Honestly, I miss Chico. I miss it all. I miss Bear creek and I miss upper bidwell. I miss lower bidwell on a sunny day when my friends and I would toss the pigskin around. I miss mobbin' down 20th and also the Esplanade, just cruising the day away. But beyond all of that, I miss my prayer closet on monkey rock. I still have a prayer closet of course, but Monkey Rock will be something I will always remember and love.
The day was dark and it was raining outside so I decided to go for a drive. Often when feeling like this I would drive and try to look for a place to just pray and meditate. Well this day was similar and yet different in many ways.
As I drove for a while, I found myself heading towards the hills in upper bidwell going towards the bear hole. It was then that something caught my attention, something that I had perhaps looked at before but never truly seen. My eyes were fixed on a large cross out at the foot of the hills leading towards "monkey rock" or "monkey face rock" as it is also known. I took a sharp left turn and headed towards this cross. I parked my car in the designated parking area and then rocked the rest of the ay in the rain. As I crossed the iron gate I found a walking stick that somebody left behind. I picked it up and I walked towards the newly discovered cross.
It had stopped raining but as soon as I arrived at the cross the rain resumed. I sat at the foot of the cross and I began crying. Crying because my situation was overwhelming. Crying because eve though I was constantly surrounded by people, I still felt lonely. Crying because I felt like nobody understood me. Crying because my life had lost the connection to God and I felt dry and dead inside. As I cried, I began to pray and talk to God and He spoke to me there, at that cross at the foot of monkey hill. He said words to me that were personal. He spoke Life back into me and into my situation.
The next week on my day off I returned to the cross, only this time it was sunny. I climbed half way up the hills and found an area with a small bench overlooking a man-made pond that was built next to the shooting range. The next week I returned and instead of stopping there, I kept walking. I kept moving and eventually I found myself at the top of monkey rock. I found a spot in the grass under a tree and I looked around and ended up finding that I could see all of Chico.
At this spot I could see the creek running through Chico and I was amazed at the way that the sun reflected off of the water. I could see the entire city and it was amazing! There I began to restructure my relationship with God. That is where I spent my days off as I talked to God and listened closely to hear his voice. That is where I read his word and meditated upon his parables. That is where I established my prayer closet.
Honestly, I miss Chico. I miss it all. I miss Bear creek and I miss upper bidwell. I miss lower bidwell on a sunny day when my friends and I would toss the pigskin around. I miss mobbin' down 20th and also the Esplanade, just cruising the day away. But beyond all of that, I miss my prayer closet on monkey rock. I still have a prayer closet of course, but Monkey Rock will be something I will always remember and love.
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