Begin With the End in Mind

“So I begin with the end in mind.”- from the song “disconnecktie” form the band Norma Jean

I moved to Chico in June of 2000 and left in December of 2006. In between there was a time of dreading the beginning, great times that I can recall to this day, and bad times that made me wish it was all over. And then there was the end. The last days that I lived in Chico, my going away parties, quitting jobs, sad faces, and a realization that the moment I was in would never come back again. The end had arrived.

I arrived at my old Church in January of 2002 and I left on May 1, 2009. In between there was a period of disconnection from God, A surrender to His will for my life, accepting a youth pastorship position, experiencing times full of God’s blessing and times that I wouldn’t wish on anybody else. And then, there was the end. The Last few weeks announcing my departure, talking to my staff, my parents, my pastor, the church congregation, the presbyter, the youth group, and one last toast to end it all. The end had finally arrived.

This week was my first weekend actually leading our block team into Bennett Hill. I was able to lead the team, double check if they had done their work and thank people for coming out. What’s interesting is that it was so much work that I got lost in the moment and before I realized it, my first day was over. I spent a while stressing over it too and in a blink of an eye, it was over!

I’m looking at my first opportunity in Ministry at the Father’s House and I realize that the end is closer than I think! I can go to sleep tonight and wake up to a few years down the road, Married to the love of my life, possibly with children, having made some close relationships, perhaps having become a Pastor at my current church or being released to plant a new church, with the realization that the season that I am just now beginning, is over and I’m ready to start a new one. With the end having finally arrived and a new beginning on the horizon. So I begin with the end in mind…

A Rare Moment!

Today is one of those rare days where I believe God. I believe when He says that I'm going to be a pastor one day. I know what I must to to achieve that goal. I know That God has gifted me in specific ways and that I must grow in others.

I am reading a book called Confessions of a Reformission Rev. It's written by one of my favorite Pastors: Mark Driscoll. It is about the struggles and challenges he had starting out his small 10 people church only to expand it by the grace of God into the 13,000 plus people Mega church that he pastors today!

As I said, i see my strengths and weaknesses today. I see my talent and the areas I need to work on. I see who God wants me to be and who I am. It's a rare moment today...I actually believe God.

The Next Season...

After almost two years, the next season has arrived. I have been involved in ministry ever since I became a Christian. I spent a few months working with the youth group at my moms church when I was first saved, I worked on the sound system and Sunday school at my old church for about a year or two. I became assistant youth pastor a year after arriving at that church and six months after I was the youth pastor. I worked as youth pastor there for five years (one year was unofficial but I did all the work). And Then I moved to my current church.

This is where the rubber met the road. I came in without a leadership position, without knowing anybody, just relying on God and his word. For the longest time I was disheartened at the idea of being at a church without being a leader. Not because I wanted a title, but simply because I have a heart for people and for ministry. While there I was reminded that I needed to be at church for God Himself, not for ministry. I needed to focus of my relationship with God and that is exactly what I did. I waited for the next season, quietly depending on God.

So last night I was prayed over at my church, the pastors laid hands and we prayed together for release into ministry. My sister and I will be heading up a block team for the City impact ministry at my church. I am excited about the people that we will be helping and impacting and I am excited about what God will be bringing my way. And now I return to the smiles, headaches, frustrations, accomplishments, disagreements, victories and all else that comes with ministry and leadership! I go into this relying on God, knowing that He has placed me here and will do His will through us in the lives of many.

I ask you all to keep My sister and I in prayer throughout this season and the many to come!
Blessings!

Preaching Poster - 4/9/11

I have been a guest speaker at churches before but this is the first time a poster has been made with me in it, lol. I'm kind of outraged because some of the speakers are people that have spoken out against my life and my ministry in the past but I will do what God has called me to do! It's in spanish so I probably won't be posting up a video but chances are that I will be posting up pics after the event.
What do you think of me in the poster?? :o) lol

To Live The Dream...

In my mind I can imagine being the next young pastor that confidently preaches the word of God and touches people’s lives in the process. I’m talking about lead Pastors of huge churches such as Mark Driscoll, Francis Chan or Rob Bell. Young men that at a younger age than most, are boldly proclaiming the Word of Christ to a lost and dying generation and actually seem to be getting the point across. These are the guys I look up to!
It’s hard enough being young but to be young and to purposely decline the invitation of the flow of society, to create counter culture instead of adding to current culture, to be considered out-dated when the message is timeless, that is reason for persecution and poverty. And nonetheless you find these men standing tall, standing up against the culture that reviles them and standing on the Rock which is Jesus Christ. These guys are young, brilliant, self-confident, funny and the future of Christianity. I want to be like them.
Sometimes I think to myself that I would like to be the next Mark Driscoll, the next Francis Chan. But to be honest I don’t want to be any of them. I want to be me. I want to be the version of me that God wants me to be; the version of me that is confident, courageous and Christ like. I want to be used by the creator of all things to live out the purpose for which He has created me. May God Help me to become that person and to live the dream that he has placed upon my heart!

Believing God

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
I have been wanting to write this blog for some time now. The truth extracted from my overly cautious mind, which jumps firing hoops in order to avoid admitting that I have less figured out about life than I would ever like to show. You see, I believe Christians have a hard time admitting that they don’t have it all figured out in fear that this confession will somehow show to non-believers that we are wrong when we profess Christ as savior and The Bible as God’s inerrant word Or open a door to show our brooding doubts, which we believe are too sacrilegious to aknowledge. So taking that into consideration, I offer the following confession.
My name is Juan. I have been a Christian since 2001 when I felt God squeezing my heart in his powerful hand to the point of eruption through a preaching that I don’t even remember. It wasn’t on that day but roughly two years later that I made an agreement with God, “I am not going to say no to you anymore.” Following that statement came countless opportunities for ministry which allowed me to preach his name, impact the lives of youth and adults, lear the truth about worship, meet some great friends, and impact the lives of many. ..and yet I don’t fully trust God!
I’m afraid. There, I said it. Everything, including both internal and external forces, makes me doubt and question God’s will for my life every step of the way. I have taken both small steps and vast strides in the faith. God has lead me through the worst times in my life. God has allowed me to lead even youth pastors that had more years in a youth pastorship than I did. God has given me words that have changed the course of direction of the lives of youth and adults. So my question is, why do I doubt?
The above psalm states that he wrote my days before they existed. And so It would seem that I would have a steadfast grip onto God but the problem is that my mind tends to doubt it all. And so my realization is this, every person in the bible doubted God and acted accordingly to their doubts. But also, each one of them had a moment in time when they chose to simply BELIEVE GOD.
Although my mind doubts, my logic screams out, and my focus on God gets blurry, it’s time I make a choice to simply believe God. To take him at His word and believe that He will in fact provide, bless, fulfill, speak, direct, give me compassion and grace to not only continue on this journey, but to enter into a new level with Him. I will believe that He has written out my days and live them out With Him by my side.

To See God...

If you stay quiet but for a second, and you begin to pay attention, to perceive instead of simply seeing with your human eyes, you will realize that every moment of the day, God is working. At times we focus on ourselves, our lives, and our situations and we completely neglect the spiritual atmosphere that surrounds us and the occurrences that are taking place everyday, the miracles that he is doing, the words that he is speaking, the touch that gives us peace in this messed up world.
For a while a group of friends and I had entered into a season of fasting, praying, seeking, reading and listening to God. We didn’t do this for any religious reasons but simply because (and I say this for my life) I needed to re-focus. I was beginning to doubt and allow my humanity to enter my walk with God so I felt I needed a season to reconnect with God.
At the beginning I must admit, I didn’t feel a thing. I just felt like I was starving myself for no reason. But after a while, I started to concentrate on God, dragging me away from my own logic and myopia and leading me into His will.
It all started on a Friday night, sitting in small group, interacting with people, watching a study video and being in a semi-bored state. I sat there pondering quietly and based a testimony by my small group leader, things finally began to make sense. The testimony itself wasn’t the revelation but moreso the introduction to the revelation. You see, at that moment, things weren’t just happening, but it all seemed like part of a plan. The answered prayers, the still small voice, the service of others, the love towards humanity, the ancient Hebrew definition of “waiting” being used as an action word, the need for humility, it was a plan being revealed to me in all clarity and for a moment, I saw the heart of God and His will over my life. For a moment, everything made sense and it was as if God was shining a bright light to my path, letting me know what my next step in life was, what kind of season I would be entering and that He would be with me the entire way.
Some may call all of this a coincidence but I don’t think so. If we take our eyes off of ourselves for a second, sometimes, We can see God.

The Future Church...

In the future I know that I am called to full time ministry as a pastor. I wonder about it sometimes. I tend to worry about what that is going to look like but once in a while I will look at it through eyes of faith and see how this all plays out.
I believe I’m supposed to start as a worship cell and nothing else. That will be the beginning of the church. I want the church to be passionate about pursuing a life of worship in his presence. I see this in my current church and so I know that the only thing that can keep a church that big engaged in what God is doing is the presence of God.
I watch the leaders and especially the senior pastor, and the main thing that I notice about him is that he has a genuine relationship with God and he is madly in love with God. That says a lot. I realize that I must fall deeper in love with God. I have to be a pastor that pursues God not only for the church but for himself. Because it is one thing to realize that a church needs God, it is different to know that you need him as well. A leader that genuinely feels a need for God, His Spirit and His voice, is one that is ready to lead God’s people. I hope that I can be that person. Right now I’m not (just to be honest with y’all). Right now I am a neurotic, needy, self conscious, stubborn, selfish, immature… person. That’s me, I’m just being real.
I wonder at times if God can use a person like me. I fear whether or not I will be able to head up a church that will worship God in spirit and truth. I think about my shortcomings and how they will affect my church. I think too much… about everything. I know that what I need to do is fully surrender to God and let His spirit lead me in the direction that he wants. But I have trouble with that too. :)

The Crossroads Of Life...

I love the 2000 film castaway that stars Tom Hanks as a man exiled to an island for years and then finding a way to return to his regular life. I especially enjoy the ending with a newly-returned-to-the-real -world Hanks standing at the crossroads not only of an intersection, but of his life. He has just endured perhaps the most difficult hardship of his life and made it back, only to launch himself in a mysterious direction that will also undoubtedly be filled with struggles, trial, and problems, yet not as great as the one he has just surpassed. Or so he imagines.
At this season in my life I feel like God has brought me to a cross roads. I’m standing at a place where things will begin to change, where I will most certainly be experiencing new challenges, but also a place of excitement for what lies ahead. All I know is that I will not turn back to where I came from but other than that I have many paths to choose from. This selection begs the question: what if I make the wrong choice?
Recently I have been thinking about decisions that I have made in the past that resulted in disaster and those that have proved to be worthwhile. In those that were successful I had sought after the face of God and I was doing what I believed to be God’s will for my life.
As I stand at this crossroad, I know that I must turn to God and allow him to be my compass. More so I realize that by yielding to His will and seeking His opinion He actually becomes “the right way” for me to have chosen. And if I make that decision while I am following Him then I know that I can’t go wrong. So I welcome these crossroads, a chance for My God to show me His grace and glory masqueraded as another difficult decision.

My Doubts, My Hope...

I simply love my church. I love that there is a spot for everyone no matter what walk of life you come from. I love that even the leaders are down to earth and straight forward with you. I love the fact that worship in understanding who our God is, is the main focus of the services. And I think to myself that this is exactly how it is supposed to be.

I understand that in this life I have a calling to become a pastor and to preach the truth of God as I love and encourage the congregation with which God entrusts me. And while I love knowing that this is my calling, it freaks me out to wonder whether my church will be healthy or unhealthy. Certainly this is not left to chance as God doesn’t roll dice, He calls shots. And I know that there is a sure way to end up with a healthy church and that is simply falling into God’s will and loving people as God loves them.

Sometimes I get scared. What if I fail at this? What if I don’t do something right and I end up in a church that for some reason doesn’t have a proper foundation? What if I try to figure out His path for the Church instead of waiting on Him to tell me what that path is? What if I get comfortable with a lack of the spirit as long as the church is functioning?

And yet I know that my faith has to be placed solely on God. I know that there are certain steps that I must take to fall in line with His will. I know that if my leadership style is less of a “manager” style and more of a fellow worshiper with a huge passion for the things of God, a desire for His justice and truth; that I can’t go wrong. I know that if my focus is Him and not just the work of his hands in the church, that God will be there, amongst us and we will be His people. This is my only desire.

This Is It Y'all!

As I had said before I only had one more person to tell about my departure from my church and that was the sectional presbyter. Well I finally did that and I had to send a letter of resignation in to him since I was holding a sectional position. (It’s a Christian denomination thing). Well anyway, I’m finally done.
Sunday was our final youth led service. We had worship, two human videos and three speakers, one of which was me. I spoke out against religion, tradition, legalism, judgment, being self centered, and “program” centered services amongst other things. I felt God Lead me to speak about the simple and yet all powerful love of God and how it is the center and the essence of everything that the church should be. I poured my heart out on the last time I preached.

My sister and I received plaques thanking us for our service and all of that. They prayed for us and we had a lunch at the end.
Every moment of that day was going down in history in my mind from the last Sunday worship set in which I played the drums, to the last human video that I ever participated in with the youth, to the last tag team sermon spoken with my team of leaders.
As for Sundays it is all officially over. Next Sunday (or Saturday, lol) is my first official Sunday at my new church. I’m looking forward to worshiping with them.
This Friday is my last Youth Service With Other Side Uth, the ministry that has been my heart and soul for the last 6 years of my life from my time as a staff member to my time as official youth Pastor. I’m sad but I’m looking forward to it. It is going to bruise my heart to leave those kids but God willing I will leave them in able and anointed hands that will lead them into another level of ministry. In the next few Fridays I will probably start attending a cell group in my town and start meeting people from my new church.
I can’t believe that it is all finally over; it’s all coming to an end. I can’t believe that the next level of my life has arrived. I feel like Clark Kent leaving Smallville and going to Metropolis to fulfill his destiny. (lol nerdy, I know) This Friday is my last Friday with OSU, The Last Ride of Wyatt Earp and His Immortals! I promise… I won’t cry, lol.

Keepin y'alls Posted

Well, I have officially told everybody that I am leaving my church. I have one last meeting tonight about some possibilities that I have been thinking about but i won't fill you in on that unless it actually happens. Aside from that I'm ready to go. My last sunday is this upcoming sunday. I'm supposed to preach that day too so it should be cool. Not sure if they are going to have a going away party but I kind of hope that they don't. There is a hispanic festival going on in Sacramento and I wanted to go out there with the fam, my girlfriend (who will be visiting that weekend, I'm excited to see her!) and the homies. My last friday is May 1st and I will be preaching that day as well. Afterward we're planning to pull an all-nighter and then breakfast at 6am so that should be awesome.

Work has been hectic since its grant reporting period and we have two fundraisers going on.

I finally got a new phone... well I ordered it. it should be here by the end of this week so that's good. It's certified to Military Standard to protect against dust, shock, vibration, rain, humidity, solar radiation, altitude, and extreme temperature. In other words I'm gonna F*#% this phone up! lol. Looks like this:


I finally completed my Summer Mix last night and I've been bumping them slapz like its already summer, lol.

Oh and by the way summer has arrived in Cali4nia North it is 93 degrees in Woodland, CA!

Well anyway, Much love to everybody and I hope you're all doing great.

Update on the big move...

Just wanted to keep you guys posted on the big church move. Last friday I told the youth group that I would be leaving and some of them were moved but since a lot of the kids are newer they didn't really have an opinion on it, lol. This past Sunday we told the entire congregation that we would be leaving NLCC. I had a nice talk with my old youth pastor about where I was going and what I would be doing. He encouraged me to follow Gods call and told me that he was sad that I was leaving. I choked back some tears, lol.

SO... I only have one more person to tell and I'm gone. Our tentative last church day is April 26th and I might go to youth on May 1st but I'm not sure yet. I gave my opinion for who I thought the youth pastor should be but the pastor said he didn't want to rush into a choice so I'm praying that he chooses the person that I recommended.

HERE is my new Churches website if you guys wanna check it out. Thanks to anybody that has been praying for me through this. take care folks!

A new day approaching...

So today we told my parents that we will be moving to another church. Based on previous experiences I was positive that my mom was going to go nuts. but I had been praying about it and I could definitely see that she was trying to understand. Pops was cool about it as well. at the end they ended up hugging us and telling us that they just wanted us to be happy and to keep seeking God.

I have one question...

What the hell happened here? lol I was expecting a huge fight and instead they were both really great about it. Praise God!

One down, 2 more to go. I'll let you guys know how the other two go and then when i start going to a small group and officially attending the new church and everything. Please keep me in prayer folks. thanks.

My Calling in Life

Everybody is called to do something and be something in this life. So what am supposed to be? What will be my contribution toward the good of mankind and is there a reason for me to be on this earth?

God has told me in many ways that I am called to be a pastor and yesterday it was once again confirmed to me. Interesting I guess; The thought that I was placed on this earth to lead the lost and dying towards Jesus Christ and then take care of them and teach them to grow. That is me, mr. Emosaurus rex here who has a blog to pour out feelings when he's overwhelmed. Do I have what it takes to lead a people to God...? Apparently God thinks so. It's overwhelming for me. I'm already overwhelmed with the amount of responsibility that God has placed upon my life with OSU and the section, now an entire congregation?

How would I who struggle every inch of the way just to try to stay close to God, lead God's people? If it were up to me, I would be back of the scene, not up front. If I could I would be a servant without being a leader. To be quite honest, I'm just like everybody else, I get scared, hesitate, mess up, fall on my face, get my white robes dirty with sin, and yes at times I even doubt God. Why would God choose me to do this?

Sometimes i'd just like to run and hide in God's presence forever and just stay there. Not leading, but following him to wherever He wants to take me. i guess If I could do that, then i could just tell people to follow me, because I am following God... Exactly!

Thank you for trusting me God, now, strengthen me and help me, i will not go anywhere unless you go with me.