Believing God

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
I have been wanting to write this blog for some time now. The truth extracted from my overly cautious mind, which jumps firing hoops in order to avoid admitting that I have less figured out about life than I would ever like to show. You see, I believe Christians have a hard time admitting that they don’t have it all figured out in fear that this confession will somehow show to non-believers that we are wrong when we profess Christ as savior and The Bible as God’s inerrant word Or open a door to show our brooding doubts, which we believe are too sacrilegious to aknowledge. So taking that into consideration, I offer the following confession.
My name is Juan. I have been a Christian since 2001 when I felt God squeezing my heart in his powerful hand to the point of eruption through a preaching that I don’t even remember. It wasn’t on that day but roughly two years later that I made an agreement with God, “I am not going to say no to you anymore.” Following that statement came countless opportunities for ministry which allowed me to preach his name, impact the lives of youth and adults, lear the truth about worship, meet some great friends, and impact the lives of many. ..and yet I don’t fully trust God!
I’m afraid. There, I said it. Everything, including both internal and external forces, makes me doubt and question God’s will for my life every step of the way. I have taken both small steps and vast strides in the faith. God has lead me through the worst times in my life. God has allowed me to lead even youth pastors that had more years in a youth pastorship than I did. God has given me words that have changed the course of direction of the lives of youth and adults. So my question is, why do I doubt?
The above psalm states that he wrote my days before they existed. And so It would seem that I would have a steadfast grip onto God but the problem is that my mind tends to doubt it all. And so my realization is this, every person in the bible doubted God and acted accordingly to their doubts. But also, each one of them had a moment in time when they chose to simply BELIEVE GOD.
Although my mind doubts, my logic screams out, and my focus on God gets blurry, it’s time I make a choice to simply believe God. To take him at His word and believe that He will in fact provide, bless, fulfill, speak, direct, give me compassion and grace to not only continue on this journey, but to enter into a new level with Him. I will believe that He has written out my days and live them out With Him by my side.