Observations From 30 Days Of Truth

Observations from 30 days of truth:

It’s hard to be honest. It’s hard to put yourself out there, to hang your heart on your sleeve and to hope that people will understand where you are coming from. It’s really hard for me to think about things I like/love about myself. I can be very self-conscious and down on myself so to locate those things and write them down is a bit much for me. It was interesting to think about and re-live certain memories like the person that made my life hell or the hero that let me down. These posts hurt to think about but it was also good to just say these things outloud. Gay Marriage and religion/politics were without a doubt the hardest subjects to voice my opinions about, knowing that some people will disagree with you and possibly even judging you as closed minded, antiquated, homophobic, or fundamentalist. In all doing this 30 day project allowed me to think into things I don’t normally think about and that is a positive. Doing this 30 days of truth project was a great experience and I invite you all to take this challenge!

Thanks for reading along, folks!

30 days of Truth: Day 30

Day 30 - A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

What’s up big guy!

You are beautiful… (lol) what do I love about you… what don’t I love about you, know what I mean? ;) let’s see. I love your smile, I love your hair. I love the fact that you work out and are pretty strong. I love your taste in music! To be quite honest you have the best taste in music out of everybody that I know! I love that you are kind of awkward around a small group of people that you don’t know but when it comes time to present in public, you are brilliant! I love that you have been blogging for almost 4 years now! I love your writing style, both informal and formal! I love your sense of humor! You make others laugh and can make yourself laugh like nobody else can! Lol

I love the fact that you are a great friend even though others aren’t that great to you. I love how you love your family so much. I love that you love your girlfriend and that you sometimes go out of your way to show her how special she is (note to self, do this more often). I love how complicated you can be. Some seem to think only for minute amounts of time and you over-analyze everything. I love that you still day dream! And I love that you are passionate about life in general. I love that you love God and yet I challenge you to pursue him in a deeper manner! Love him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength because only He is worthy.

I love you big guy!

-Me!

30 Days of Truth: Day 29

Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I wish to change a lot of things. I hope to lose weight because I want to be healthy. I hope to go back to school and get my BA and hopefully a master’s in theology. I hope to lose all the fear necessary to be a great husband and father (some day). I hope to practice writing more often and use it to finally write a book or two… like I said, many things!

30 Days of Truth: Day 28

Day 28 - What if your were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Well, in the past I would say I would run or freak out, but I’m old, I have a stable job, and I have tons of knowledge to pass on to the next generation. So I guess this is where I realize I’m a grown ash man… I would take care of it :) I would teach it the word of God and love it unconditionally.

All of this of course would be in wedlock, lol

30 Days of Truth: Day 27

Day 27 - What's the best thing going for you right now?

Right now I just started as a block leader for my church's Adopt-A-Block/ City Impact Program. I'm super excited about it. We haven't been out to the block yet with the entire team, but we have our apartment complexes narrowed down and we're ready to show the tangible love of Christ to those in our city :)

30 Days of Truth: Day 26

Day 26 - Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Yes. When I was 17-18 I had completely given up on life. I was addicted to marijuana, drinking too much, i had many friends who had betrayed me, I felt misunderstood, I was alone, i had no hope, no purpose, I wasn't doing anything good and the bottom line is that I hated myself.

And then one day I met Jesus...! :)

30 Days of Truth: Day 25

Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today.

Perhaps some of you are getting sick of hearing me talk about God since almost every post has something to do with God! What can I say, it’s called 30 days of truth and to me He is ultimate truth! Therefore I will not apologize!:)

With that said, let me tell you about the reason I believe I’m still alive today: His Name is Jesus!

When I was 15 I entered into a race towards the grave. I entered a lifestyle of drug use, drug sales, crime, gang-banging, fighting, heavy drinking, and smoking. I honestly did not believe I would make it to see the age of 18. And while I maintained a strong front, I feared the consequences of the choices that I had made. I feared for my family, my friends and myself. I was headed straight to hell and self medicated with drugs and alcohol to forget this fact. I was depressed, tormented, addicted and destroyed.

Then one day Jesus stepped into my life of depravity and saved my life. He gave me His spirit to be able to overcome my addictions; I accepted His death on the cross as redemption for the sins that I had committed and the eternal torment that I deserved. I began a new life as a follower of Jesus. In many ways my life has gotten better, in many ways it has gotten worse but to tell you the truth, Jesus is so worth it. He’s the reason I’m alive today!

30 Days of Truth: Day 24

Day 24 - Something you wish you had done in your life.
Well, considering that my life is far from over, there is nothing i wish I had done that I can't still do... actually, I wish I had gone on the Real World! Now I'm too old and im in a relationship so i cant do it, lol. So yeah, I wish i had gone on the Real World!

30 Days of Truth: Day 23

*Question #23 was not available so I went ahead added this question… enjoy!

Day 23 - A movie character that you can relate to and you wish you could have played in the movie. Why?

Without a doubt it would be Joel Barrish from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Now, I’m not sure if I could do the role Justice, after all Jim Carrey did deliver a stellar performance, but It’s my favorite movie and one of my favorite characters. I love the shy, funny, self-conscious, insecure character that he plays, it reminds me a lot of myself. Plus he is always journaling and that's what i do.

"I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy"

30 Days of Truth: Day 22

Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time, money and talent, just sitting around instead of doing what I know I’m supposed to be doing. I could be so much happier right now!

30 Days of Truth: Day 21

Day 21 - (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Finally an easy one! lol
I would definitely rush to be by their side. I can get mad with the best of them but I am a genuine friend. a fight is nothing, friendship surpasses tiffs. I would be with them in a heartbeat because i love my friends!

30 Days of Truth: Day 20 (4-3)

Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Drugs are terrible. they destroy our society, our youth, our communities, they destroy our lives. Drugs enslave people, obliterate minds and terminate promises of a bright future. As somebody that was once addicted to marijuana I know the dangers of drugs intimately and you can trust me when I say you want nothing to do with drugs.

As for alcohol, it also has the potential to enslave people. My father used to be an alcoholic as were most of my uncles. I believe that for some people it can be just as destructive as drugs. I personally don't disagree with a drink or two every now and then with dinner, but people have to be careful with too much alcohol. I don't believe in getting drunk. i think it is wrong and it is one step closer to that enslavement I was talking about.

30 Days of Truth: Day 19 (4-2)

What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Religion to me speaks of set rules, customs, religious services, repetitive actions, words spoken, prayers prayed that don't mean anything to you and therefore don't mean anything to God. I believe religion makes promises based on works instead of depending on Jesus based on faith. Therefore Religion leaves you empty and unworthy while Jesus leaves you full of hope and confident in Christ's work on the cross for your salvation!

Politics is important. We need to know politics, know about political candidates and know where we stand on political issues. Not enough young people are informed on politics and not many of them care. This leaves them voting without knowledge and that is foolish!

30 Days of Truth: Day 18

Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage

I have been dreading this one! Legally the case for gay marriage makes perfect sense. In college I had to argue in favor during moot court and really there is no legal argument that would uphold a ban on gay marriage... My views on gay marriage are based on my understanding of the bible. Old testament and New talk about marriage as being for a man and woman. Based on my studies on the verses both in the greek and hebrew as well as plain english, that is what I believe.

I'm not a jerk about it. I would never picket a gay wedding or anything stupid like that. I know there are a lot of christians that make that their main issue, but I don't. I just don't believe in it. I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this and feel free to.

What I would like to do is apologize on behalf of the Church. I know the Church can be full of jerks that feel it's their need to terrorize and hate the LGBTQ community and that is wrong! That's all I have to say about that.

30 Days of Truth: Day 17

Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your views on something.

This book changed my views on worship, mostly because i had no idea what it was before this book. I thought worship had to do mostly with me, my feelings and my opinions. Come to find out it has very little to do with me and everything to Do with Who God is. It's a great read, pick it up, folks!

30 Days of Truth: Day 16

Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.
I could live without fake people. It would be a great world if everybody was real. I would love it if people lived with integrity and honor. If people didn’t feel the need to smile in your face and talk behind your back. To say one thing and then do the complete opposite… wouldn’t that be nice? :)

30 Days of Truth: Day 15

Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.

Jesus. No Brainer there! Almost nine years ago I found myself dead in my sin and wrong doing. I was addicted to drugs, living the gang life, depressed, drinking every day, essentially heading straight to hell. I rejected God not only in thought, but also in action. Then one day God found me and He Rescued me. I learned that Jesus had died on a cross to take my place. I deserved death and instead He took that death so that I can have Eternal life! I am a disciple of Christ. I believe in Him with all my heart and The Holy Spirit gives me the power to die to my sin and to live my life for Him. I can’t live without Jesus!

30 Days of Truth: Day 14

A hero that has let you down (letter)

Dear Surge (my old youth pastor),

I want you to understand that I respect you as a human being and a fellow blood bought child of Christ, but not as a servant to Him or a disciple. You gave me my first shot at ministry and I will always appreciate that because it set the course for the rest of my life. To me you were a hero, the man that I looked up to. You had it all, God, a beautiful family, a great ministry, a great theology. And yet the more I learned, the more flawed you became.
I have learned a lot over the years and I look at you and your theology, your faith and I realize that you were a spiritual baby. And it doesn’t make sense to me. You went to bible school. You were an associate pastor. I don’t understand if you just forgot true doctrinal teachings and made your own theology or if you just learned bad theology from the jump. The more I noticed what you had taught in the past in comparison with what your example taught later in life, I realized that you didn’t believe what you were saying. You could have made serious change in our church and yet instead you feared it. As a result you yourself became dismayed when the church plummeted as it did. and you had no idea that you were part of the reason that it all happened. You acted as if you had just been a passenger when you were helping to steer the ship to the depths. You quickly abandoned ship, leaving behind and respect I had for you. All that being said, you will never hear these words come out of my mouth so enjoy your consumer capital driven, poor doctrinal led life.

Sincerely,
your former protege, J.

30 Days of Truth: Day 13

Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter)

To Nirvana,

You don't know me but you have been my best friends when i had no friends. You made me feel like I was understood when I was an outcast. You kept me living when i felt like dying. Your music was a window into my soul when I was 16 years old. And today, your music still reminds me of tougher days, when i was depressed, contemplating suicide, broken and beaten down. You were with me when I didn't understand who I was or what my place was in the world. You were, you are more than words could ever say. You were me.

Kurt, You shouldn't have done it! I understood you, and you understood me. You were so brilliant, such a genius. you had EVERYTHING in the world going for you. you inspired an entire generation to be better than they were and yet you ended your life before everybody could see your fullest potential. The world will never know how much Kurt Cobain could have done. But what you did for me and countless others, we could never repay to you. We are forever in your debt.

Thank you,

-J.

30 Days of Truth: Day 12

Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on.

I never get compliments on my tiny eyes! it's true, they are tiny. That's all i have to say about that! lol