The Future Church...

In the future I know that I am called to full time ministry as a pastor. I wonder about it sometimes. I tend to worry about what that is going to look like but once in a while I will look at it through eyes of faith and see how this all plays out.
I believe I’m supposed to start as a worship cell and nothing else. That will be the beginning of the church. I want the church to be passionate about pursuing a life of worship in his presence. I see this in my current church and so I know that the only thing that can keep a church that big engaged in what God is doing is the presence of God.
I watch the leaders and especially the senior pastor, and the main thing that I notice about him is that he has a genuine relationship with God and he is madly in love with God. That says a lot. I realize that I must fall deeper in love with God. I have to be a pastor that pursues God not only for the church but for himself. Because it is one thing to realize that a church needs God, it is different to know that you need him as well. A leader that genuinely feels a need for God, His Spirit and His voice, is one that is ready to lead God’s people. I hope that I can be that person. Right now I’m not (just to be honest with y’all). Right now I am a neurotic, needy, self conscious, stubborn, selfish, immature… person. That’s me, I’m just being real.
I wonder at times if God can use a person like me. I fear whether or not I will be able to head up a church that will worship God in spirit and truth. I think about my shortcomings and how they will affect my church. I think too much… about everything. I know that what I need to do is fully surrender to God and let His spirit lead me in the direction that he wants. But I have trouble with that too. :)