To Live, To Die...

For years my mind has been overflowing with ideas of death. Although it does sound morose I do not mean it in an unhealthy way, just in a curious way that drives me to think about various aspects of death in detail. For example: my pallbearers, a drinking ceremony that only my closest friends will participate in, my funeral plans, etc. Death became a large part of my life as I came to terms with the fact that eventually, I will die.
I remember various times when things would happen to me and I didn’t really fear death, it just seemed so normal to me. I was not suicidal, but I just didn’t think death was that bad of an option, in my mind I was ready.
Recently things have changed. I guess my ideas about God, various books, some friends, many different places and experiences have brought me to a place where death is no longer the subject of all my thoughts. Instead I have begun to realize that life…is beautiful.
Its not that I fear death now, but I have merely begun to realize that life is what it is. That pain and hurt and bad times are all a part of this journey that we call life… That good friends and bad friends are a part of life… That mountains and valleys are all part of life. That we are here not just to exist but to live, to breath, to crawl, to walk, to run, to fall, to get back up and run again until we can no longer do so.
I have realized that it is not about forcing myself to be the best person that I can be but letting Christ change me day by day as he pleases and simply enjoying life and His Presence. I have learned even more so that His love for me is bigger than I know and can ever imagine.
I have learned that God created this world for me to see, explore and enjoy…. and to glorify him for the beauty of all of it. There is a world out there waiting to be explored by me… by all of us. There are skylines, oceans, sunsets, wonders, beautiful landscapes all of which were created by the Almighty for his people to see and appreciate. We were not meant be stuck in offices all the time although that is a large part of our lives. We were meant to see the world and be captivated by its beauty, not only in pictures, but really gaze at it and see the hand of God in everything.
I have realized that my time on this earth is like a book and so I shouldn’t be so preoccupied with reaching the end. I should enjoy the settings, the characters, the conflicts, the climaxes, the resolutions, the turning of pages and the changing of seasons. I should read along wary of not speeding things up, but rather enjoying each part of the story as it comes and simply loving the story of my life as a whole.