Family!

Not sure if I’ve written one of these yet as a blog, but here comes the first of many: My opinion on family.

Family can usually be defined as somebody related to you through blood but, I happen to think otherwise. Some would define family as all those that “do the will of my Father,” and once again I beg to differ. Also when I am talking about family I am of course speaking of my immediate family (mom + dad+ siblings) but more so I am referring to extended family (which I will explain in issue #3.)

Issue #1.
Family is not just through blood.
Throughout my life I have struggled with family having a negative impact in my life over all. All my life my family has always competed against each other so it’s not a protective system, it is an ongoing war. Who has what, who doesn’t; Who did this, who hasn’t; Who got into this school, who didn’t; Who got married a virgin, who didn’t, etc. I can seriously go on for days about this one. And so depending on who is on the “good side” of the argument, the other will be judged and ridiculed by the entire family. SO, my family system exists only to judge, criticize and put down.

Now, we used to get together as family back in the day at least for holidays. That was at the very least a time for the so-called “family” to get together and communicate. So we were close for a while and then we ended up leaving our old church (which by the way was full of my family members), the rumor ran that the church chose to excommunicate us and also the family stopped talking to us. For the next few years (2001-2007) the family wouldn’t really talk to us or invite us to family reunions or anything because we went to another church, or because we had left their church. So, year after year our immediate family moved closer and our extended family became distant. It wasn’t until last year that they started getting in touch more with my mom, and so now she wants us to accept them as family again knowing well that it is too late.

Issue #2.
Family is not just those that do the will of God.
Upon coming to Christ there was the common misconception that if anybody served God we were all automatically family. When I first started in church that’s what I thought, they’re all like an extension of my family. Once again this all changed with the departure from the old church. This is where we found people in the church that we were once close to openly deceiving us, lying to us and stabbing us in the back. You wouldn’t expect this from church people but realistically; they’re the same as everybody else, only forgiven. Contrary to popular belief Christians are not perfect, they’re not all better people, they’re just folks that struggle like everybody else but that are attempting to allow God to work in their lives.

Then getting to the new church, we found out even more about betrayal and cliques. People that we were close to just stabbing us in the back, making stuff up, judging us. I alone have an entire Spanish congregation that hates me, lol. (Only reason I can laugh about it is because I know God’s love is unlike their love.) And don’t get me wrong there are those that really are family and back you up, are there for you and genuinely love you. But alas it is not one big happy family. At least we all agree (for the most part) that we serve the same God and we were washed by the same blood.

Issue #3.

Family is a mixture of both of these and more.

My immediate family means the world to me! They are the true definition of the word family. Always there for you no matter what, always forgiving, always willing to help if they can. Not always they’re to listen, but there for you nonetheless.

Then there is of course family in Christ. I have met Christians that know how to be friends like Christ. Not many but they are out there. These are people that genuinely care about you, love you, have interest in your life, and also listen to you. These are not the type to judge you but exhort and encourage you in love. They might not tell you what you want to hear, but what you need to hear. There are some real Christ followers/ friends out there. I count them also as family.

Then there is one more group. The non-family, non-Christian group. These folks are friends to the end. These are the people that are there for you no matter what. They can care less if you are Christian; they care about you just the same (there are those that leave you when they find out you are Christian). They are there for you, they are genuine, they listen to you, they go out of their way to help you, they love you.
I have my mom, dad and sisters, they love me, care for me and they are always there. That is family! I have brothers and sisters in Christ that accept, encourage me in my walk with Christ and are always there. That is family. I have other friends that are amazing friends, help me, never forget me, and are always there for me. That is family; those that are there for you no matter what. They’re in it for the long run and they love you no matter what. Regardless of whether we share the same blood or belief system, or if we’ve just crossed paths at work or school, there is a certain select group of folks that have always been there for me and with me, to these I give the right to be called my FAMILY.